


You're not alone.

by Rabid_White_Rabbit



Series: In The In Between [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers Family, Avengers Tower, Bromance, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Depressed Steve Rogers?, Dreams and Nightmares, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt Steve Rogers, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Steve Feels, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-30
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-07-27 14:55:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7623064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rabid_White_Rabbit/pseuds/Rabid_White_Rabbit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Though Steve are the others helping Bucky and he is doing marvelously in his treatments, they don't realize the other soldier has some demons in his mind. Steve battles on his own and keeps to himself while Bucky gets help. It's not until one troubled night do they realize their mistake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. My demons

Bucky woke up and he's out of the cryo treatment just like we planned. He asked Sam to be his councilor and Sam is glad to help him. Clint and Scott are helping Wanda control her powers. When she's ready, Bucky is willing to let her help mend his broken mind. I know that kid is special and she'll do great things as she matures into a hero.

"Hey, Steve!" Bucky kicked a football at me.

"What?" I don't know what he wants and if it's to play a game, he knows I don't know how to play football.

"It's about time you learned how to play, Steve. Come on, I can show you." Bucky smiled.

Clint and Sam shrugged. They began to teach me how to play and soon we're in a game. Wanda is with Scott in the kitchen messing with a recipe. Bucky tackles me and I freak out a little, throwing him off and then we begin to wrestle in tag teams. I suppose they don't realize that even I have demons, but I think they have it worse. Clint had some Norse god mess with his head and saw Pietro get killed. Sam, well, he's a war veteran who had seen his best friend get shot down out of the air. Bucky, Hell knows. I only know some little bits; stuff he wants me to know and some I needed to know. When we finally finish the wrestling match, it's with Bucky sitting on all three of us.

"You never could beat me when we wrestled." Bucky said in a proud tone.

"Because I was always little." I reply in a light chuckle. It's great to have him remember the good days when we were kids.

"Yeah, but now you're bigger. What, getting soft on me?" Bucky teased as he started poking my side. I flinch and Sam catches on.

"Big Captain America is ticklish?" He smiled at me. Clint poked my other side and I squirm a little. I bite back my laughter until they all start messing with me. Wanda walked over seeing me struggle with them and pulls them off by levitating them off of me.

"Thanks." I huff as I get to my feet.

"I hated it when Pietro tickled me." Wanda smiled in a fond way. She always spoke of her brother in a good light and smiled whenever he made it into a conversation. I feel bad for her, but I know she's coping in her own way.

"Oh, so  _you're_ ticklish too?" Clint smiled in a fatherly fun manner. Being a family man was his thing. Both he and Scott always made contact with their loved ones through Skype and occasionally Scott pulls me and Bucky into the frame to talk with Cassie. Wanda caught on dropped them.

"Don't even think about it." Wanda smiled. Bucky and I just decide to spend the rest of the day on a walk since the sun is lowering and it's getting cooler. 

"It's great out here." Bucky sighed as he puts his hand behind his head. Even with one hand, he still managed to catch the football and throw with one hand. Even beating three Avengers in a mock wrestling match.

"Yeah. Air's nice and fresh. Sky always lights up." I sigh and look up at the sunset pastel colored sky. Bucky nodded and looked up with me.

"I remember when we were in France how we would lay on the hill in the dead of winter. We'd look up after making a fire and make up stories about stuff to lift our spirits up to forget all about the war." Bucky said as we went around the trail. Something causes me to flashback and I hope I didn't shiver too noticeably. I see myself back on that damn mountain.

" _Remember that time we went to Coney Island?" "_

_Is this payback for making you ride The Cyclone?"_

I don't know what happened. I saw myself sitting on a log just dead in thought. Bucky is silent, sitting next to me and I just glance at him. "Stevie, is there something wrong?" He asked once he notices I'm out of the flashback. He hasn't called me that since high school.

"Nothing, why?" I lie obviously. I want him to get better. Once he's better, I'm better. He gives me a worried look and helps me stand up.  After a calm and nice dinner with everyone, I go to bed and make sure my room is warm. I hate the cold. I hate feeling like ice is around me again. I hate waking up thinking Bucky fell down that ravine. I calm down and curl up in my sheets in only some sweat pants and damp hair after my shower. Only then will my demons and I meet each other again in an agonizing nightmare. When I wake up hours later by mid morning, I see Bucky is holding my hands in front of me and looking terrified.

"What happened?!" Sam has one of my legs and Wanda has me pinned to the wall.

"Crap." I let my head hit the wall and hear Clint mutter

"Language."


	2. I'm Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve goes off on a walk to end up having a painful flashback. The intervention the team planned hadn't gone as planned and they could get the stubborn blonde to let them help him

They sit me at the kitchen table. Scott made toast and coffee. Wanda and Bucky made me sit as Sam and Clint sat across from me. They give me the toast and a coffee, expecting me to talk about the dream. To be honest, I don't remember what happened or why I was restrained to the wall. I changed out of my night clothes and put on some jeans and a t-shirt.

"So, is everything alright?" Clint asked calmly. I give them a stubborn look and sip my coffee.

"I'm fine, why?" I ask in return. Bucky held his hand up to my shoulder and squeezed it a little.

"Well, Bucky told us about the flashbacks that have been happening lately and the nightmares that have been happening lead me to think you're having P.T.S.D, Cap. To be honest, I don't know how long you kept it to yourself." Sam admitted in a calm tone. I feel cornered. They seem to know that and Bucky rubs his thumb against the knot in my shoulder from how I slept the previous night.

"I'm fine guys." I smile it off, but internally I'm yelling at myself to act calm and not happy. Wanda gives me a troubled look.

"Steve, you aren't okay. Last night, you were screaming and thrashing in your sleep! How is that okay!?" Bucky exclaimed his full concern. I don't want anyone worrying over me. Bucky is our main concern, I shouldn't be.

"I'm going on a walk." I tell them before Bucky pulls me back.

"Need me to come?" He asked before standing up himself.

"I'm fine." I pull my arm back and go get my shoes. 

Stepping outside, I feel the discomfort of humidity and the sticky heat from the jungle. I don't care. I just need to walk this stress off. I get off the deck and begin to walk off onto the worn path. I hate feeling cornered. I hate that sometimes I feel cold like I'm covered in the ice. I don't know why I feel that way. Sometimes my room is sweltering and I still feel cold. I take scalding showers that dry my skin, making my skin turn red hot, but it doesn't make me feel warm. I told no one this. Why would I? They wouldn't understand and I would feel stupid if I told it to the wrong person. A storm is on its way. I smell and hear a faint pitter patter of the rain falling in the brush. 

_"Big man in a suit of armor. Take that off and what are you?"_

_"Everything about you came from a bottle."_

I shake my head to clear the memory and the rain off my hair. I walk a little faster and take in deep breathes, trying not to let a memory overcome my conscious. Suddenly a flash of lighting that struck close by made me see Red Skull. He's laughing as he rips his mask off his face. I see the Devil grinning at me and I start to run. I'm in the base. I'm freeing Bucky. It's a downpour around me. Suddenly the building is exploding and I'm see fire all around me. I get Bucky to go first before I go behind. Then he's falling into the ravine.

* * *

 

Bucky was making some lunch for Steve and himself, hoping the captain would be up for talking after a proper meal. Wanda was reading and drinking some hot chocolate by the window. Scott and Sam were playing "Brawlhala" on T'Challa's large t.v while Clint made himself a hefty sandwich.

"Has anyone seen Steve come back yet?" Bucky asked when he came to the room everyone was sitting in. He had two large sandwiches with french fries covered in melted cheese.

"No... He hasn't come home yet?" Clint got up with a start. He was worried. Something wasn't right with Steve, that much was obvious to them. But, to have him gone this long (from about nine in the morning to one in the afternoon) without contact was something they didn't want to worry over. Steve should've called or texted one of them or all of them by now. 

"Come on. We have to go find him." Bucky said before he set the food down on a coffee table and ran off to grab his shoes and a couple jackets. Everyone followed and did the same before running out to find their captain. By then, the storm was in full swing.


	3. Bloody knuckles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry I've been M.I.A. High school, family issues (and drama), and just overall life....... Heh heh..... And an essay due next Tuesday and I have to redo my 4th assertion.... Yay... Well, redoing this is a good way of getting my mind off of stress. I have to say, I think this is my best work! Thanks for reading and comment away!

I don't know how long I ran. I just know I was suddenly fighting someone. I didn't register who it was. I just kept fighting. I kicked another away and suddenly I was held high against a tree.

"Steve! Wake up!" Someone shouted. 

I was screaming? I can't remember because all of a sudden it was just darkness.

* * *

 

Bucky helped Clint get up after Steve kicked him in the gut. He would need medical attention, but Clint made it a point that Steve was in more trouble. T'Challa ran over and climbed up the tree where Steve was held up by Wanda's power. The blonde's eyes were glazed over and dazed looking. T'Challa held a cloth soaked in something clear and smothered it on Steve's face. That made the blonde struggle even worse and suddenly he relaxed and fell asleep. 

"What is wrong with him?" T'Challa asked as he perched on a branch. 

"He won't tell us exactly what happened." Sam sighed as he nursed a bruised shoulder. 

"I think I have a few ideas." Bucky rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. 

They all got Steve home just before the storm came around again. Bucky and Sam put him in sweatpants and a sweater before getting him comfortable in bed. Thunder rumbled too close for comfort and Steve whimpered as he curled into a tight ball. It was like he was a small child missing a teddy bear during a terrible storm. It was a terrible storm outside and each bolt of lighting followed by each roar of thunder spooked the captain and only made him fall deeper into his dreams. Bucky tucked him in and woke him up a little bit to calm him down and then left him to fall back asleep. They left the room a little while later and saw Wanda with a teddy bear dressed like Bucky during the war. 

"He said you gave him a bear when he was six and he called it "Bucky Bear". I thought it might help if I made him a new one." Wanda said with a shy blush on her cheeks. Bucky ruffled her hair and smiled. 

"That's great idea, Wanda. Between us three, he used to sleep with that damn bear up until we were twelve." Bucky chuckled and let the young woman go into the room to give it to the blonde. Wanda put the bear just a few inches from Steve balled up form and left him with a kiss on the forehead. 

Steve muttered in his sleep while the others spoke. He reached around and felt something soft and immediately latched onto the bear, not exactly knowing what it was in his sleep, but he was calming down with the bear in his arms.

* * *

 

_"Steve"_

_He looked around and saw he was back home. Someone was cooking and another kicked open the door with hands full of groceries._

_"Steve"_

_He went to the kitchen and passed by a mirror and saw he was his small self again, but his breathing was thick and healthy. Steve smiled when he could hear a lovely, familiar voice in his left ear. With his eyes, he saw colors beautiful and bright unlike the times he was colorblind. Smelling a delicious smell, he followed it to the kitchen to see no one was cooking. But, the song and humming kept up and sounding like it was in the kitchen. Bucky set the groceries on the counter and looked at Steve._

_"Hey, did you make dinner?" Bucky asked while he looked at the cooking stew in a pot._

_"Uh... No, it was there when I got here. Where's Ma?"  
_

_Bucky looked perplexed as he pulled out an apple, leaning casually against the counter and eating it. The apple was held in Bucky's left hand. Steve saw it wasn't made of metal and there was no red star on the shoulder where Bucky had his sleeve rolled up._

_"Don't you remember? She went to work an hour ago. Guess she was simmering the stew while you were sleeping." Bucky shrugged._ _S_ _teve smiled as he marched over and saw the calendar read 1947 and not any of the years about World War Two. Bucky chuckled and walked up to the smaller blonde, smacking him on the back. "You okay?"_

_"Just. Had a dream about the war." Steve sighed._

_"That's been long over, Stevie, you know that. I got out like I promised our moms and my sisters and you. Now, army pensions, good food, and a good life ahead."_

_Steve then saw Red Skull come from the hallway and laughing as he pulled his mask off to show his fiery skinned face. Bucky screamed as he fell behind him and Steve tried to reach out and grab him. Red Skull had Loki's staff and pierced Steve's heart as Bucky started laughing. Steve saw he held a gun up and was muttering 'Hail Hydra' over and over like a mantra, but his voice was dead and hollow._

_"Hydra's fist and Hydra's enemy. You will no longer be a nuisance to us, Captain Rogers."_

* * *

 

I screamed as I woke up when I heard a gun shot. What that loud bang was from Bucky slamming the door open to see me balled up, trying hard not to cry, and hiding Bucky Bear. I can't believe I have a new one. It's soft and it helps. Normally, my nightmares are worse, but this one started out nice. At least..... 

"Steve, you okay?" Bucky rushed in and put his hand on my forehead. I flinched harshly and hit my knee against where his hand was. Bucky tried not to laugh as he pulled the covers back over me. "I'm going to get some stew Sam is making. Stay." Bucky said sternly. 

I didn't get out of my position, fearing the cold, and hid the bear in my arms like it was something precious. Considering Wanda made it for me and left it quietly where I can grab it, it is to me. Something to remind me of the past besides Bucky helps. All this modern age mumbo jumbo is just too much at once.


	4. Bucky's P.O.V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey, Bucky speaking. Okay, so last chapter, Steve had a flashback about something and T'Challa had a rag full of chloroform and some Wakandan fruit that makes elephants go to sleep. Either way, it helped. Wanda graciously made Steve a bear to help. It seemed to for about a few hours until lightning struck a tree nearby and then Steve started to scream again. 
> 
> As of now.... I sort of... Well.... Have to... Force feed stubborn headed, stupid self-sacrificing idiot, Steve some of Sam's really good stew. Damn that guy and cook.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, my lovelies, I'm going to switch points of view from time to time. Today's chapter is Bucky's. I'm going through a lot, so writer's block my hit me time to time. Sort of why I haven't added any new chapters to my works.

Okay, so, feeding Steve isn't as easy as anyone may think. He's balled up under his covers with his teddy bear held snug in the middle of his little ball of stupid. I'm not saying what he's going through is stupid. It's just his pride is overwhelmingly silly and he's too stubborn to admit that he can't fight everything. 

Especially not his own demons.

I was like that. When I slightly snapped out of my head in D.C. After that, I sort of went on my own self destruction with being on my own and destroying any small or large Hydra base the Avengers (before that whole Sokovian thing) would miss or were going after. Eh. Worked a little bit I suppose. Either way, if Steve hadn't found me, I probably would'a kept running, kept battling on my own. Now, I know I don't have to anymore.

As of Steve, I can't even find a way to stick the spoon with some beef in it to his mouth. He has this unseeing gaze like he's somewhere else. God, how long has he been fighting? Furthermore, why is his room so hot? I'll see about that later. 

"Come on, Stevie. You gotta eat, punk." I said as softly as I could. He really did need to eat. T'Challa said that fruit would need to be out of his system. The best way to be freed of that drowsiness would be to be fed and given plenty of fluids. Steve would probably feel like he is sick, but eh. Another thing from the past in a future that I think would help remind Steve of who he was before. "Come on. Don't make me baby you and say that 'the choo choo train is coming'." 

Steve cracked a smile at that and I put the bowl and spoon on the nightstand. He started to poke his gut and he snorted. Well, that gaze is retreating and I see that I am bringing him back here by tickling him. He fought and tried to not laugh. He was apple red once he was done and when he sighed, I grabbed the bowl and spoon and then stuck the spoon full of stew in his mouth. He looked pissed with his mouth full. I held his mouth shut and forced him to chew the vegetable and meat to swallow. He glared daggers at me. 

"You know Sam's the best cook." I teased. 

"Shut it." He yawned and hugged the bear. God, I can't believe he's supposed to be in his twenties genetically and chronologically in his nineties. I can't believe everyone forgot how young he was during the war. 

"I'll let you sleep if you finish the bowl, bud." I promised.

Steve just sighed and managed down the bowl of stew I gave him. By the time he had gotten a quarter of it eaten, then he was suddenly wolfing it down as if he hadn't eaten in days. Now that I think about it: When the Hell did I ever see him eat a full meal? The last time was the morning before the train ride. We just got fresh rations and he had to have five rations to get full. That's what I remember. 

How long had he been alone in a world so keen on keeping up with other's social life? 

"Hey, one little favor? Why don't you take a shower? I'll be here to make sure you're okay." I insisted. Steve sighed and shook his head. He flopped back onto his pillows, grabbed his bear, and curled up. I just tucked him in and took the empty bowl. "Need me to stay." 

"I'm fine. I'm not a baby." Steve just mumbled. I

"Don't be afraid to ask for help." 

"I'm fine! Just leave me alone, James!" He snapped. 

Wow.... "Okay. Goodnight." I awkwardly walked off and shut the door. Everyone had personal heating and air-conditioning in their rooms. Mine was gradually cooling down with each passing couple weeks and therapies. Sam helped a lot with asking me and my doctors to cool my room down to be more comfortable and fearless to the cold.  As for Steve, his room is in the upper nineties...  _Sigh_ I can't believe no one knew this. No one asked. Poor Steve.

* * *

 

_"Ma, I feel really cold."_

_Steve curled up under his blankets and sighed as some sunlight warmed him._

_"Ma?"  Then a shadow appeared all around him._

_"She isn't coming home, Captain. She is dead."_

_Steve looked up at Schmidt with his dark, hollow eyes and his teeth a bright contrast on his red complexion. Steve was skinny, frail. Weak. Bucky was behind him as the Winter Soldier. His arm wrapped around his throat and a syringe of dark, eerie fluid. He was stuck in his neck and the fluid was crawling in his veins._

_"Help! Sam!" Steve shouted and repeated himself. He was begging for help. Begging for Bucky to wake up and save him. He pleaded and promised "I won't fight again! Please, Bucky, wake up!"_

_But, no. Natasha and Sam had guns to his head. Tony walked up with a casual grin and his army of Iron Men behind him. "Time to go, Cap. Can't outrun the law forever."_

_Suddenly, a song was playing around them and he was falling in a dark, endless pit._

_" Law man said get 'em dead or alive I was for sure he'd see me dead. Dear Mama I can hear you a cryin'. You so scare an all alone. "  
_

_Steve fell into a glass cell, like Bucky's before Zemo triggered him._

_" The noose is out they finally found me. The renegade who had it made, retrieve for a bounty."_

* * *

 

I ran into Steve's room to see that he had broken a lamp, Bucky Bear was in a corner somehow perfectly sat next to another lamp on the bookshelf, and the man had fallen off the bed. Steve scrambled to hit feet when he heard be bust in and tried to act like he was fine. 

"You're an idiot. Come here." I sighed with a smile and open my arms. I hear a phone ringing and see that the burner phone was on. Steve sees it and rushes to answer it. 

 "Hello?" He asked in a calm manner. Huh. No wonder that no one realized he was hurt. He wore too many masks for anyone to realize it. Too many to keep up too. 

" _Cap, I screwed up._ "

Well, that ain't the first time a Stark screwed something up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so the song lyrics are "Renegade" by Styx. One of my personal favorites and I thought it was a good thought to put in.


	5. Bucky Thinks Steve Needs A Hug. Steve Doesn't Want To Admit He Does

Tony, on the other line, was explaining how he was helping to amend the records. Well, it worked. The Geneva convention found that too many heroes were being held accountable for the damages caused by villains. That, and they were running out of excuses to actually hold the heroes accountable with the leverage of said records. Either way, Bucky just assumed Tony was just lonely and wanted to get things back to normal. He had no clue what normal was anymore, but if Tony's normal was the constant like Steve's will be once he's got his ducks in a row, then he'll take it. 

As for Steve, well the captain was looking very relieved that he could go home in New York, in Brooklyn in his own home. Tony wanted to make amends with everyone and that made him believe that everyone wanted their own personalized floors in the tower fully furnished and stocked with food within days of their move-in. Sam wanted to go just to make sure that Rhodey was okay and how he was healing. He still felt guilty that he was one of the causation that made him go paralytic. The others would follow where Steve would go. T'Challa would stay in his homelands to watch over his country. 

"Steve, what do you want to do?" Bucky asked. He finally got Steve to be pulled into a hug to calm down from another dream. The blonde hadn't yet decided what he wanted to do and Bucky was going to follow him through Hell and back if it meant that Steve had someone to watch his back. Sure, he had Sam and Clint, but no one knew Steve like Bucky did. 

"I don't know." Steve's face was pushed into Bucky's shoulder because Bucky was basically forcing him into the hug. His voice was muffled and he hated that he couldn't really see with his eyes basically pressed into the spot where Bucky's neck met his shoulder. Thankfully, it wasn't the left arm where the metal shoulder met his neck. Bucky was considerate about where he had shoved Steve's head while he hugged him. He knew Steve needed a hug. Honestly, he missed giving him hugs when he was down and he knew when Steve was just too tired to carry on his own. These days, it was no wonder why he was just too tired for anything anymore. 

Bucky knew that Steve was fed up with all the shit the world had given him and he finally gave up a fight. Bucky also knew that Steve was just too tired of a fight he had for his whole life.

"Sam's gonna go either way. Scott too because he wants to see his little girl. Luckily, his ex and girlfriend forgave him because he was able to fight with us. Apparently, the guy who made his suit hates Howard." Bucky said. Wanda came in to see if Steve was awake only to see that Bucky had him in the force hug. She inhaled through her open mouth to say something with a confused look, but closed her mouth and decided against it. She walked off to go pack her bags. She had to at least give Vision another chance and give Tony Hell for everything she went through before Steve busted her and the others out. "How about we go home back to Brooklyn? Coney Island? We can ride the Cyclone if it's still there. Maybe we can see Ma?" 

"Buck, I can't breathe." Steve complained in his shoulder. 

"Sorry." Bucky let him go slightly, but not fully from his hug. 

"I don't wanna see Ma." Steve sniffed. 

"Okay, we don't have to. Let's just get you home? We can make peace with Tony." Bucky asked. Steve nodded and Bucky ended up feeling that he went to sleep on him. Bucky just sighed and patted his back just slightly so not to wake him up with a panic attack. He didn't move from the spot on the bed they were on. "I'll pull you out of your head. We'll get you fix up, Steve. Kinda have to; you fight too much." 

* * *

 

Tony

So! looks like I'm getting the band back together. Natasha was good support. So was Pepper and Rhodes. Vision went off to study some hieroglyphics in Egypt to compare them with Mayan for some reason, so there's that. So, the gang should be here in about four hours. Bucky! Yay...... (clears throat)

_Sigh_

Okay, so Fury sat me down with the file and some videos. I puked after ten minutes. God, Cap knows Hydra better than anyone in this century and he knows what their minds could do when they wanted. But, damn. I guess Bucky finally got the help he needed, but when he called me to ask of a favor? That was more than vague. He said for me to act like me, but if I pressed the wrong button to notice it and alert him if there was a change in Steve's behavior. So, uh, heads up? 

Okay, why the Hell didn't I listen to Steve, Natasha, and Sam? Knowing what people around me say, apparently I don't listen very well. Also, I hope they don't scrutinize me about the whole... Fight. Uh....

"Friday! What the hell was Barnes talking about?" 

" _I am not sure, Sir. You said not to record the audio file and to delete any information during the call unless it concerned anyone else's safety._ "

Crap. I cannot tell whether or not I heard snoring in the background or not. I'm gonna assume it was Sam because he does snore sometimes when he sleeps on the couch. Vision said it had something to do with the way his chin rests on his chest or something. How do people even sleep like that? 

Okay, sidetracked. Uh... Let's see how this goes? I hope it all goes well. Maybe karma can bitch me around and maybe help get some revenge for Steve. Maybe he can start a prank war and Bucky can help him. I hope Natasha comes to the 'dark side' and assist me. Two crazy Russian assassins against each other along with two people who had been in a major fight. 

Wish me luck... 

PS I hope Steve's okay. Bucky sounded a little more than worried than I figured.


	6. A Little Coke, Nap, and The Make-Up Over a Break-Up

It was a long flight back. Tony had made a lot happen to fix the Accords and help the rest of the broken team home. No one left the tower while Steve was getting help. Bucky sighed and rubbed Steve's back until the big blonde fell asleep on the couch that he missed. Tony was going to talk, but Bucky gave him the 'Winter Soldier Glare' and scared him off. The room was warm and comfortable. Steve fidgeted in his sleep and murmured some incoherent words. Bucky hushed him and ran his hand in his hair. That calmed him down and Bucky texted Natasha to take her turn in watching him. Steve wasn't sleeping very much on the plane and Sam figured it was the plane crash into the Arctic or the Project Insight situation where the helicarriers collapsed. He was with the V.A and listened to veterans vent their trauma and what issues they faced. It hurt them more than ever to see a man who stood so tall in the world fall so hard. Bucky hated that no one knew of Steve's issues. He remembered on the plane ride to America how much Steve hurt. It wasn't just physical complications Steve fought as they grew up just before the war. Steve fought himself. Bucky tried to curve it with trying to find a woman who would see Steve as who he was and not who they saw. Unfortunately, now that he thought about it, it only hurt him more. Steve turned on his other side and Bucky gave him a pillow for his head, but the blonde took it to hold like a teddy bear. Natasha walked in as silent as a cat and sat where Bucky sat. Bucky gave her a friendly smile and went off to use the bathroom, eat, and probably take a nap for himself. That's where he found Tony waiting with a large pot of coffee made and about four different types of baked goods, each having three different flavors or sauces. 

"Uh... I think we got off on the wrong foot." Tony said nervously. 

Bucky gave a deadpanned expression and made himself some coffee. He had it black and reminisced in the taste. It brought him back to the days where money was hard and he used to watch Steve draw like mad until the work was done. He helped when he could by selling his small drawings for the papers or people who want something to decorate their homes or give to family members. Steve's money went to savings in case he or Bucky had a medical emergency and it helped in the long run during winters and early springs. Tony cleared his throat and got Bucky's attention. 

"How's he doing?" Tony asked quietly. 

"Not well. How come no one saw it? Didn't you all see his medical files?" Bucky questioned. He might've forgotten until the plane, but he figured when Steve woke up from the ice he was in that people would look up his issues. "He's fought these things before." 

"What?!" Tony squawked loudly. Bucky hushed him loudly. 

Bucky sighed and made Steve a large sandwich. He figured food would help lift Steve's spirits for the day and he wanted to get a routine going. He remembered a doctor telling him that routines helped keep a calmness around mentally ill patients. 

"Steve's had depression before. Think about how we grew up." Bucky said in a growl like tone. He hated the fact that no one thought to bother about how Steve lived or felt. The serum could fix physical ailments. Bucky knew it wouldn't fix mental. 

"Why didn't you say that before?" Tony whispered. 

"I don't know. You're one of the first people he met when he woke up that wasn't an agent. You're supposed to be a 'team member' of the Avengers. I figured you'd have Steve's back." Bucky said coldly. "For a Stark, you're pretty stupid."

Bucky grabbed the sandwich, a soda from the fridge (he thought that having a soda would help bring some memories. Pepsi was one of Steve's favorites way back when and Bucky made a sandwich just the way Steve liked it. Natasha was combing through Steve's hair while she played with her phone. Steve was awake watching the t.v when Bucky sat next to him and handed him his sandwich. Steve sighed and slowly ate it feeling in a grey zone. It was like being numb to the world. You can see the colors, but nothing feels colorful. It was like being in a dark day with heavy clouds that won't shed rain. Steve was just grey. Natasha had him sit up and she got him to drink the soda. It got a small smile from Steve when he tasted it. It was a step in the right direction. 

Tony felt like Steve needed a day or two to adjust to being home before he came with any gifts to remind him of the good times. He had found some photos of Bucky and Steve before the serum and some during the war. Steve was smiling in those. Tony even found a photo of his mother and father. He figured it would help. He wanted to help in any way he could, but to be honest, Steve didn't let a lot of people in; Not a lot of people came to meet Steve Rogers because mostly they want to meet Captain America. Tony was the same way, but he didn't mind most of them coming to meet Iron Man. As much as that can annoy him a good portion of the time, Tony knew that Iron Man was a part of himself and he couldn't deny nor forget it. He was Iron Man, a philanthropist, billionaire, genius, and play boy bachelor. 

Bucky watched Natasha leave to settle in her room. Bucky and Steve were sharing since they were the only ones who could help each other and hold each other down if a nightmare occurred. There were some old relics from their time and books galore. Bucky was glad since he knew that they had a hard time finding good t.v to watch sometimes and reading helped. Bucky also saw an essile, paints by the plenty in all colors, and sketchbooks in piles. 

"Hey, Steve, wanna draw?" Bucky pointed out the perfectly placed supplies in the corner. 

"I don't know." Steve sighed. 

Bucky picked two up and a book that caught his eye before handing one to his friend and setting a tin box of pencils and charcoal. 

"Here, I'll draw something from the book and you can draw me. Like old times." Bucky smiled with hope. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to post this idea during the holiday season, but family troubles had come up and writer's block... Notes on the bottom too, just so you know... Anyway, short chapter, goes with the writer's block jig.
> 
> Sorry if this is crappy, I'm out of steam and my imagination is drained like water in the Sahara Desert

It took a bit of coaxing for Steve to draw something. Bucky was proud when he saw a drawing of his likeness and said so to Steve who smiled shyly when he turned it around to add more shading and texture. Bucky picked up a new book and started to read it aloud as background noise for Steve to focus on. It made that period they were in calm and Steve seemed to open up a bit and was more relaxed. Bucky couldn't be more happier with Steve getting letting a wall or two down. It would be a long while until Steve could open up all the way and talk to someone what ran in his head. Bucky would know from experience. He was just glad that Steve wasn't running around like he had after Project Insight. Bucky kept reading his book for hours until he looked up to see his best friend had passed out in his chair. Bucky set his book down and put Steve's things on the desk next to him. Outside was beginning to snow. Bucky slowly picked Steve up after waking him up a little. He carried him to the couch and laid him down, pulling a blanket around him and making sure he was warm enough to get some sleep. 

The seasons had become taboo for them. It was like they didn't know what they meant anymore. They didn't have their parents or Bucky's siblings to smile and laugh with or the Howling Commandos to joke and drink with despite the fact that both of them cannot get drunk. Steve had been out of the ice for a few years now and he still felt uneasy about it. He was comfortable with the team, but was still uncomfortable around them during the holidays. They thought he was close to them since he stayed close to home and S.H.I.E.L.D gave him December off, but they didn't think that it was because Steve didn't have anyone else and nowhere else to go except S.H.I.E.L.D bases and perhaps Sam's apartment to keep him busy. Steve shopped for them and was glad that they all adored their gifts and used them, but it still made him feel hollow. Since Bucky woke up and ran from the Potomac, he awed at all the lights and smiled when he saw gifts being given and generous people giving him spare change or food as he wandered the streets. Although he didn't have anyone, he still had the ghosts of his past to mourn and he felt as if they granted him peace over time even if he couldn't give it to himself. 

Once Christmas passed, they were okay. Steve was a little out of it, but he was okay. Bucky made sure of it afterwards. Especially since Bucky had helped Steve made his mothers old shortbread cookie recipe and Sam helped make a jam spread for them. Everyone enjoyed them immensely during the Christmas party Tony hosted and Steve felt proud of himself, something that Bucky was happy to see. He was also happy to see everyone getting Steve things from their past: photos lost to time, expensive paints and pencils, and Tony even found a picture of Steve's parents on their wedding day and a photo of Steve as a young boy being held by his mother. Everyone crowded around when Steve broke down. He hung the photo in front of his mirror, that way whenever he left his room he could see his parents smiling and looking their best. Whenever he woke up, he could see the proud smile on his mother's face as she held him. Bucky was glad that it was helping him get better. Tony was proud of himself that he was giving Steve's healing a jump start and it was a good way to give the captain a chance to help rebuild their broken friendship. 

* * *

 

When the holidays ended and everyone had settled back into an old routine with updates for Bucky and soon the others, Steve had become somewhat better. He spoke to a doctor, a therapist, and consulted in Sam on occasion if Bucky wasn't there to lend an ear. Bucky was appointed as Steve's "guardian" ever since Steve was given a prescription for anxiety and depression. Sam had made it a personal mission to make sure that Steve would take his medicine, but there wasn't enough room for him and Bucky to live with Steve, so Sam had passed that mission onto Bucky with a lecture on why and how important it was for Steve to take his routine of medications. Two pills a day when awake and turning in for the night. Once that got through, everyone noticed that Steve looked a lot less anxious and his smiles were less forced. Bucky kept up a routine for them and would change it up just slightly to make it feel less like a rut. Tuesdays they'd spend part of the morning in the gym, but Bucky would change the gym routine from cardio to anaerobic. Wednesdays meant that Bucky would take Steve to the grocery store after they all looked at a new recipe on the internet or found something in some books Sam gave them for Christmas. Today was Sunday and that meant that they'd go to their parents' graves to lay flowers and update them on their lives. Steve would listen and smile when Bucky would open up and Bucky would feel pride for Steve when he opened up. After that, Bucky walked Steve through old town New York and they felt a little better as they looked around. Bucky found it helped both of them if he remembered the good memories from their past before the war if one ever came up. When they did, he'd write them in a notebook and bring it out on Sunday's just to see the look on Steve's face. 

"Remember when I got that first kiss from... What's her name? I can see her face, but her name is... Starts with a P.." Bucky pretended he couldn't remember the name. 

"Patricia? Everyone on the block called her Patty." Steve filled in the blank.

"Patty! Yeah! Now that I think about it, she was not my type." Bucky said with a chuckle.

Steve laughed, "I tried to tell you! She was a senior in high school and we were only poor little middle schoolers who got lucky!" Steve's smile took a different approach and he shook his head, "Well, you maybe."

"Hey, chin-up, punk. You're a guy that a gal needs these days. Gentlemanly, talented, the works! All girls care about is muscle, looks, and someone who can make themselves look better than everyone else by doing stupid challenges like eating soap pods and crap." Bucky elbowed him and smirked, "At least we can pass off as twenty-something-year olds and not men as old as time." Steve shrugged and looked at him skeptically. "Okay, I'd say lets take Stark to a bar, but his father was a handful at one, so I'm sure that's off our list." 

"Buck, can we drop the whole 'find Steve a girlfriend' thing? Natasha's tried and failed. Even found guys that she thinks are my type, but failed." Steve sighed. 

"You're bi?" Bucky asked. 

Steve shrugged and kept walking. Bucky wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "I just remembered something." 

"What?" 

"Your ma used to call you 'Dooder' until we were nine." 

"BUCKY!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so that 'dooder' thing was just spontaneous. I was at dinner with my boyfriend and his mom and that came up at some point.... *shit eating grins at screen* and I'm never letting that go. *cackles maniacally* I thought that would lighten the mood and honestly I'm out of steam with this writer's block. 
> 
> So, my dear readers, I would love it if you could find any prompt idea for a new chapter/story. I will come up with drafts for the ones that give me a smack of inspiration or just try the ones that are really out of the blue. (I cannot do smut without blushing like a strawberry)


End file.
